things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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