Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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