apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
