I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
