Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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