It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
