my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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