Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
