If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
