Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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