We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize