were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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