I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
