I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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