we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
