I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
