there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
