The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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