he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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