I am puke
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
