when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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