peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How external is "for external use only"?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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