The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This house was built for laser tag.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
