he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
