the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
