I think scott just propositioned me for sex
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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