just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
