tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
