capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
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