dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
