Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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