i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
