Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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