My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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