Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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