I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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