His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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