Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
