Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
