Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
