So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
