yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
