so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Drake has all the answers
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
