i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
