I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
