umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
