my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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