she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
