sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
