if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
