I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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