I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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