I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
