I accidentally burped into my bong.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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