You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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