why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
