she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
