Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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