ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
