I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
