I'm drive I can fine osifer
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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