I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
