i may or may not be watching the land before time
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
