i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize