Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
