someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
