brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
