He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
