I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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