Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
